I thought to keep this kind of "secret" for a
while or just to let know only friends and family about it on the due course
but now I feel I shall share it with you all, so let's start from the
beginning.
I have been working on a new song called My Queen since
early September 2014; I have been producing music for charity in help of Luca
Loves Life Appeal
https://www.facebook.com/LucaLovesLifeAppeal?filter=3
Luca was my son, the song is dedicated to Her Majesty Queen
Elizabeth II and at the end of it there is a choir sang by local primary school
children. During the process of rehearsing and recording the song some of the
children started to ask me "Why don't you go to the X Factor, or Britain's
Got Talent?" and I always replied I didn't need to. Thinking about it more
deeply I said to myself "Why not? What have I got to lose?" So I have
filed an application for Britain's Got Talent in the early autumn 2014 and
never said it to anyone apart from a close friend.
I was contacted over the phone by a lady I think she was called
Jess (or Gemma) from the BGT team who reviewed my application and read my bio,
she knew I do music for charity and saw my music videos, she added that I had a
great personality and she liked one of my songs called "Why?". I
thought it was a good start so I got even more excited and hopeful and said to
myself I could do this, I could do anything to help who is in need especially
children who suffer. Jess booked me an audition for Tuesday the 28th of October
2014, 9:00am, ICC Birmingham; I started to get really excited then.
Not long after Jess's contact I received a phone call from
another lady from BGT called Naomi, she booked me an audition at a different
date, Sunday the 26th October 2014, 13:00, ICC Birmingham, I thought it was a
bit strange to be booked at two different dates but I never questioned
anything. All I had in mind was to raise more funds for Luca Loves Life and
then redistribute it to our favourite charities such as Acorns Children's
Hospice and help funding the Birmingham Children's Hospital, also to
financially help terminally ill children and families across the world. Music
for me is a hobby, I make a living doing gardens in the day and working part
time in a restaurant at night; the night before the audition I worked in the
restaurant as I usually do every week end and finished at about 1 so I was
pretty tired the morning after but that didn't matter to me.
I woke up, had a nice shower, shave, smartly dressed with
black tie and fresh white shirt, tuned the guitar, everything was ready, popped
to see Luca at the cemetery to get some extra courage and drove to Birmingham
City Centre destination ICC Birmingham with the lovely company of my Angel.
I knew I could do it.
Once in town outside the ICC the queue was already building
up so I put myself in the line, I was holding my guitar in one hand and a Luca
Loves Life Appeal money collection bucket on the other, I could hear some
people talking about how nervous they felt, but I was just cool, I knew I could
do it. There were people with children, a man with a dog, street artists, I
made a special friend, a young black man in his early 20s from Oxford who came
by train and was going to perform his dance moves and we got on really well, he
noticed I had a ladybird on my shoulder and I replied to him it was going to be
good luck so I kept it. My new friend started to call me "Ladybird
Man" and we both were having fun and a bit of a laugh.
After the queuing in the cold (and we have been lucky it
didn't rain) we went inside the ICC building to queue again, then we were moved
outside to do some filming and queuing again, then we were put back inside to queue.
And wait. And wait. And wait. The time was going really slow and the man with
the dog was still there, I was thinking how he could keep his dog without
pissing anywhere? God knows. Some children were getting restless and
particularly tired falling asleep in their parent's arms while waiting for
their audition and I started to think why they have to wait so long? Why do
that? Surely for children the BGT producers could think of a more comfortable
way to see them, but never mind. I get pretty uncomfortable when people don't
take special care of children, but that's may just be me.
After all the queuing and after 5 and a half hours since I
first arrived my audition time finally came. Me and another two people were
scouted to the audition room, after few minutes I was standing outside the
audition door, someone came out of the room and said "Who wants to go
first?" I said "Me". Could not wait not longer, let's just do it
now.
I walked in the room with my Luca Loves Life bucket on my
left hand, the guitar on the other and a ladybird on my back! Yes, let's do it.
A woman and a man were sitting in front of me.
I don't really remember the whole conversation word by word
but this is roughly how it went:
"Hi my name is Antonello, I am 38 years old, Italian
relocated to UK about 12 years ago and I am a fundraiser for Luca Loves Life
Appeal. The Appeal was created to help my son Luca who was diagnosed with a
disease called Tay Sachs. The disease made him turn deaf, blind and motionless,
he never spoke. During the time I was looking after him I have started to play
the guitar again and write songs to entertain him. Luca passed away in my arms
the 2/2/2013 at Acorns Children's Hospice at the age of 26 months and it has
been a rollercoaster of emotions for me but I have carried on with the music
legacy to keep his memory alive and to help the children who suffer, in fact I
have written and recorded 18 songs in a single year, all the profits I make
goes to charity via Luca Loves Life in actual fact my songs are available for download
and the money goes directly to Luca Loves Life as well as the money from the
copyrights. We strongly have fundraised for Acorns Children's Hospice and
Birmingham Children's Hospital. I have done charity runs and all sort of things
to raise money but I found that music is the way forward, especially because is
not fair to keep asking friends and family to sponsor me all the time"
The woman was listening carefully and she said that what I
do is really good. Then I said:
"I am going to perform one of my songs called
"Why?", it was written back in May this year"
At this point guys, believe me, I sang it from the deepest,
deepest part of my heart, the words were coming out like a waterfall and my
fingers where touching the guitar strings like I was stroking my daughter's
cheek after saying "I love you dad", and all I was thinking was how
much I could help the poorly children if I did get through. I sang half song, I
thought it was enough, I felt I pulled one of the greatest performances of my
life.
The woman looked at me and said it was really good. I
smiled.
Then she added that this year the competition was really
tough and I wasn't good enough. Ouch.
I replied "Did I do anything wrong? Is there anything I
am missing or not good?" She said no, but that it was not successful, I
was not what they were looking for the program.
"Ok" I thought, she is the producer, she added
that what I do is very remarkable and I should carry on with it, I thought
"Don't worry darling, I don't need you to tell me that what I do is the
right thing, I am not here for that, I am here to raise money for dieing
children", but she was one of the show producer and at the end of the day
it was her money so I thanked her and off I went, disappointed but I had to
accept the verdict which was final.
How did I feel? Bad, deeply deluded not for myself because I
know I am not the best singer or a musician, I was deluded by the woman who
judged me even if I knew she was the boss and I must respect her will. My head
started to think lots of different things and couldn't stop it, I am just like
that.
I started to think about the whole process of the BGT
application. I apply for Britain's Got Talent, somebody from the program
watches what I do through my YouTube videos and rings me saying one of my songs
called "Why?" is really good and she thinks I have a nice
personality, she books me an audition, then another person rings me and books
me for another day, I go to the audition and after 5:30 hours of mainly
queueing standing on my feet a random woman (with all respect, of course) takes
5 minutes to tell me that I am not what they are looking for? Ok I understand
that, this is perfectly fine, the show needs the right characters in order for
the program to be watched and surely I am not a natural born entertainer, my issue
is that BGT producers could find a different way to audition contestants in the
early stages. We live in a society where nearly all of us have a pc, or iPad or
iPhone, why make thousands of people and children queue outside of a building?
Why make all these people get wet by rain, cold, and force dogs to hold their
wee? Why people have to travel hundreds of miles just to spend 5 minutes to impress
someone which could have done the same on FaceTime or Skype? How can BGT
organizers make all this people drive, produce so much carbon emissions, stand
outside in the cold to then perform in front of a person who in 5 minutes maybe
less will send them home with no particular reason? We don't need to be
scientists to understand it is wrong, BGT producers should move forward and
embrace technology. I like to watch the program and now I am really curious to
know who from Birmingham will be performing in the show and who according to
the show agenda is the act that fits with their idea of entertain Her Majesty.
And I get even more curious when I think that if a person who cared for his
child from cutting his umbilical cord to lowering him down his grave, who held
him into his arms till his last breath, who taught himself how to play and sing
and wrote 18 songs in a year, who creates from scratch guitar chords to express
his feelings, who gives every penny of the music earnings to charities, who
loves his family and works hard with his 2 jobs to support it, if this is not
talent what does talent means then? If someone like this is not worth showing
to the general public who is then? How ever the general public will know about
good people in life if the good people are never given a chance? Oh well, it
was worth going still and give it a try, I had nothing to lose (apart from my
sleep) and in actual fact I didn't lose anything, I also made a new friend and
a got a funny new nickname.
Couple of days after, Tuesday the 28th of October at 9:00am
I received a text message from a guy called Alan from the BGT show
"Hi Antonello, I’m Alan from Britain's Got Talent. Give
me a call when you get to the ICC and I'll take you to your audition. Don't
join any queue as you'll get lost. If I don't answer my phone drop me a text
and I'll call you back. See you soon!"
I was in the middle of work cutting an hedge and I picked up
the message half hour later, I first thought "Wtf is going on?" but I
replied
"Sorry Alan am I missing something? I was discharged on
Sunday as not successful..."
He replied
"Hi Antonello, of course you were here Sunday. My
paperwork is mistaken unfortunately. Thank you so much for coming. I’m sorry
you weren't successful but I hope you had a good day. Thanks!"
You know what, I had the feeling that my audition would have
had a totally different outcome if I did it on Tuesday, but it was too late for
anything now. In frustration I replied to Alan one last time
"Hi Alan thank you too. It would have been great to
perform if front of Her Majesty a song I wrote for her, played with Italian
mandolins and sang with the help of a local junior school's choir but never
mind, I will send her a copy (of my song) and I may see you at the Royal Variety
Show anyway ;) I am sure BGT producers picked up much better acts than mine to
entertain Her Majesty. Great to audition for BGT. Ciao take care"
Hope I did not upset him or anything, sorry Alan! I know you
were just doing your job but I was a bit fuming at that time so please
understand me too. I still have the feeling I auditioned the wrong day.
You might ask yourself why I have written a song for the Queen.
I grew up in Sardinia, Italy, my parents and relatives always had lots of
respect towards Her Majesty and the Royal Family, my old house where my parents
still live is full of all sorts of memorabilia from photos, teacups, plates,
and I remember when I was a child my grandpa once said to me:
"You know Italian is the language of love, English is
the language of freedom"
It took me years to understand what he meant but one day I
understood, it is indeed the language of
freedom because in WWII Italy was freed from Fascism and National Socialism
(commonly known as Nazi) by American and English speaking guys, brothers, sons,
uncles, fathers, cousins. So Thank You, I have lots of respect for British
culture and I will teach this value to my daughter so that we will never forget
the people who died for us.
For now thanks for reading and if you are thinking about
applying for Britain's Got Talent, you must know it could be a complete waste
of time, getting wet, spending money, producing co2 and be kicked out with no
real reason. It would be nice if with nowadays technology a 5 minutes audition
could be comfortably done from your home using a software but never mind...
Still I think it is worth giving it a go, you never know, if not other you will
gain experience, confidence, and to be honest if you are thinking about life
like an easy journey you are wrong, is a constant battle and even if one day
you will become the most successful person on earth it does not mean your life
will be easy, not at all, more success equals more worries. I believe it is
good to apply for programs such as BGT, to test your personality and most of
all to test how much you want what you there for, that audition is a life test,
if you fail it standing on your own feet you will grow stronger.
In life you must be like a poker player, the most successful
are the ones who know how to lose, fact.
All the best to the BGT contestants, I might see you at the
Royal Variety Show anyway ;)
You will find all the updates about myself on my Facebook
page
https://www.facebook.com/antonelloatzoriofficial?ref=stream
and on my music page
http://www.reverbnation.com/antonelloatzori
all the profits from my music goes to charity and can be downloaded here
https://itunes.apple.com/gb/artist/antonello-atzori/id647989176
Ciao and Thank You
Antonello Atzori
No comments:
Post a Comment